I’ve been thinking about life lately. How fragile, fleeting and precious it is. A good friend’s husband is dying of brain cancer; another friend is in the end stages of a four year battle with lung cancer. It just seems so unfair when a good person’s life is cut short. Watching my friend struggle to comprehend her husband’s diagnosis is so painful. It literally hurts my heart to read her daily blog about his life and death struggle.

Oddly enough today when I spoke to my friend who has less than 6 months to live, he comforted me saying he was at peace. The blessing of impending death is the peace that settles over the patient once the fear abates and acceptance begins to take over. Death can be joyful at times, that sounds weird but it’s true.

In the book “Blessing in Disguise” Linda Schierse Leonard writes of her battle with breast and skin cancer and concludes “Facing death brings life.” After facing my own fear of death by working for hospice, I came to that same conclusion. When I faced my fears and leaned into the challenge, I not only overcame the obstacle I grew stronger in the process.

During my career in broadcasting I had the opportunity to interview dozens of cancer survivors and universally they said that the diagnosis enriched their lives by forcing them to savor life. Many reprioritized their lives putting their families first, many for the first time in their lives. In hospice I learned that terminal illness is a great leveling force for humanity. Death comes for you even if you are very rich and very powerful. When I sat with people in hospice, they talked about people they loved, trips they had taken, adventures they undertook. They didn’t talk about their money, their jobs or material possessions. Many of those who had been abusive and abrasive died lonely. I resolved to treat those I loved with care in the hope that I would be surrounded by love and companionship at the end of my days.

I observed that hospice often empowered the terminally ill by allowing them to take control of the rest of their lives. Instead of following doctors orders, they began doing as they wished and setting their own path. I saw that patients who accepted their fate chose to stop fighting for life and began living it. Some of those same people grew stronger, more alert and regained their quality of life under palliative care. Some people who aren’t well informed say that choosing hospice is giving up on life; I say it’s the opposite. Hospice means choosing the best life possible even when those days are few. Yes, there are miracles but they aren’t the creation of doctors and if you don’t achieve a miracle it doesn’t mean that God loves you any less. There are no answers to the question why me?  Why not you?

I wish for more good doctors who would be honest with their patients when death is the last option remaining. It’s my hope that these good doctors would encourage their patients to savor life by utilizing the support of hospice and gathering friends and family close.

In the meantime I intend to savor each moment of each day, even when they suck. I’m not going to waste one more minute of my day worrying about my weight or the wrinkles on my skin. I’m going to spend more time laughing and less time bitching. No, really I mean that last part about the bitching and the whining. I’m going to lean into life and embrace it with everything I’ve got; I hope you do the same.